Hey, kids, who wants a Zim Bear?

Bobbleheads are a fine giveaway, a nice little gift, if you're one of those people with a basement full of dusty ceramic heads, praying for a retweet by @LunchBoxHero45. In other words, get a life. Bobbleheads have gotten annoying. They break within days. Their cardboard boxes litter baseball stadiums on giveaway day. Kids fight over them. They're all made in China by kids, and I wouldn't want to test the paint. Bobbleheads made a solid run for, oh, 50 years, and there was simply no way to advance the promotional idea -- until this! Say hello to Zim, a creepy Don Zimmer-fied bear to be given away by the Tampa Bay Rays on June 29 against the Detroit Tigers. Mercy.

Red Sox part ways with Varitek

THE CAPTAIN took a kick in the gut when the Red Sox reached a contract agreement with Kelly Shoppach today. Just like that, Jason Varitek's 15-year playing career with the Red Sox was over. It has to hurt. I mean, Shoppach can't hit -- and Varitek can do that. 'Tek played 1,488 games behind the dish, the most in club history, and had the fourth-longest interrupted Red Sox career behind Yaz, Ted Williams and Jim Rice.


Varitek wants to continue playing, but it's not looking promising. The Blue Jays and Tigers needed backups but signed Jeff Mathis and Gerald Laird, respectively. Varitek, who turns 40 in April, really fought the laws of life at the end of  2011. His knee was killing him, and he ended up throwing out just 14 percent of base swipers ... Email me if you want some free swag, graymatter11@aol.com. That's right, old-school AOL.